City of Blinding Lights

I have mixed feelings about this city.

On the one hand, this is probably the most excitement I have had in all the years of my twenty-something existence. New York is one of the few cities in the world where you can find every facet of diversity in terms of space, time, culture, history, identity, worldview, class, money, anything – all compressed into this one tiny island and thrust up against your face, all the time. It really is impossible to get bored here – you could spend a whole year in this city and find something interesting and exciting and unique to do every single night of the year. It’s amazing how often I am walking down the street and find myself just overwhelmed by the beauty and the architecture and historicity and grandness that surround me…by the knowledge that greatness has passed before me, or the inkling that I might have just rubbed shoulders with genius or celebrity or world leaders.

And yet…this is a dangerous city. When you think you are the centre of the world, it’s easy to forget that there’s another 99% of it out there, just beyond the rivers. And why should you look beyond, when the whole world comes to Manhattan anyway? Yet while we can tell ourselves that New York encapsulates the whole world, the truth is this city is incredibly far removed from the reality of the majority of the world. It’s easy to get contained in this narcissistic bubble where the artificial lights shine so brightly that all you can see when you look out is your own reflection, and you start to forget the reality of the rest of the world, of the darkness and need and daily struggles and life that exists outside.

It’s so easy to get lost in the glitz and glamour and excitement of it all – it’s so easy to lose yourself in it. This place is addictive, and you get so intoxicated by the constant stimulation and activity that you rarely get a chance to step back, reflect, introspect…be still. And if you don’t have your feet very firmly planted, before you know it you get swept up in a wave of self-absorption and instant gratification, and start to lose sight of any larger sense of vision or urgency of the needs in the rest of the world.

I love this city, I love the grandness, the history, the famousness, the glamour and diversity of the people and places….But sometimes I find myself getting so wrapped up in it all that I forget why I came here in the first place. Here I am studying and debating international development and how to end poverty and oppression in the developing world…yet I am so surrounded by money and prestige and Ivy League halls that I can hardly fathom the reality of two-thirds of the world’s population. I came to this city in order to go to the top and play the game for the sake of a greater cause…little suspecting that I might enjoy the game so much that I might start to lose touch with why I am doing it in the first place.

It’s good to step away every once in a while and just be still, to recharge, to gain some perspective. I think I needed to come home.